Tegan:We're a little better than Kelly Clarkson though.
Sara:Tegan made a really good point though, airbags save lives.
Tegan:They do. Buy our record, save a life. Fuck you.
*continues playing*
Tegan:I just want to point out something cause we weren't going to bring it up, but...
Sara:You brought it up.
Tegan:I know I brought it up inadvertently, but now I'm bring it up because what is this whole thing that we're so afraid of? Like, NME doesn't like us, so they can suck my cock anyway, I don't really care, but the only reason why I'm saying that is only because they said on our last record review that we were OK, even though we hate cock. But I don't hate cock, I love cock. We all love cock in the band, I mean, the only reason there's so much cock in the band is because we love cock. So, I just wanted to correct that.
Sara:They love their own cocks and we just like cocks that just don't have veins in them.
Tegan:And second of all, I just wanted to say that I think it's so weird because NME reviewed our record a couple months ago and gave us a seven out of 10 and said they fucking loved it...
Sara:And they loved our cocks.
Tegan:And they loved our cocks... I guess. And now they said that they don't like it, they changed their minds and so I like NME too, but now I changed my mind.
Sara:They didn't like they way that you sucked their cock.
Tegan:I want you to stop talking about cock. I find it kind of uncomfortable and my point was that you're an airbag, but I'm not, so Sara wrote all the songs. So I just wanted you to know that I'm going to go home and I'm going to like desperately write a wicked ass record and I'm going to come over here and get all fucked up on drugs and then lay around on the stage and scream hysterically and then they can put me on the cover.
*starts playing again*
Sara:With me wearing a cock.
Tegan:That sounds like a brilliant cover. That'd be really funny, I could wear like a tutu and have like a bottle of JD in my hand...
Sara:That's disgusting actually, I'm really upset that you said the tutu part.
Tegan:Why?
Sara:Because I imagine you in a tutu and me with a cock and it's like... that's so disgusting.
Tegan:I think that might fly here.
Sara:It's funny that the people in the band don't even swear. They like literally don't even swear and can you imagine what it's like to hang out with us all the time?
Tegan:They say 'frick' and 'dang'.
Sara:And we're like 'COCK COCK COCK COCK'! It's really scary.
*starts playing again*
Sara:I'm ready now, I think I'm back in the dark place.
Tegan:Tegan and Sara coming right up everybody, thanks for letting us open the show for Tegan and Sara. We love their band and we heard they got a really good review in NME.
*starts playing again*
Tegan:I bet everybody from our label right now are on the phone just like 'oh christ, Tegan and Sara just ruined their career. They're never going to sell records in the UK ever. Blah, blah, blah'.
Sara:Now you're making it seem like you hate the people at our label.
Tegan:No, I didn't say that.
Sara:The 'blah, blah, blah' thing was like maybe...
Tegan:'Blah, blah, blah' like I don't know, like industry speak, you know? Like, how our numbers of shipments been decreased because...
Sara:Sara likes cock.
Tegan:Sara likes cock, will that ruin their chances of being LESBIAN TWINS COME TO THE UK! Blah, blah, blah. OK, we're going to stop now.
Sara:It's like we're on meth or something.
Tegan:We don't do drugs!... Obviously... that's why we don't sell records in the UK. OK, you know what, I'm taking all of that back. How do we fix this?
Sara:I don't know. I think we go like this and turn back to starting the song.
Tegan:We're really glad you all came! We're a little hyperactive. Um, because we were stuck on a plane... So many people are recording right now, so this is going to be on the internet. I just want to say to my mom that we're really sorry... about the cock stuff.
I watched this 12 years ago when I was 9 years old and I remember thinking that I wanted to do that. I played soccer from age 4 to age 13 for a church league for spring and fall seasons. I thought that it was awesome as a woman to go running around shirtless in celebration.
